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  • 1st May
    2012
  • 01

It’s not a Friday night till you get punched in the face…

Last Friday I had the pleasure of joining a bunch of girlfriends at Fab in Fishers for a killer salon party. Free hair-do’s, free appetizers, free wine, free margaritas, and 50% off wax jobs! (WARNING:  A TRAIN WRECK PIC TO COME!)

Don’t say I didn’t warn you! :)  

Somehow, the girl that did my hair managed to give me both curl and body with basically no effort.  Why haven’t I mastered this after 35 years?!  You’ll see a pic of my awesome hair in a bit.

While I was getting my hair did, we were talking about waxing.  One of the other stylists said, “You know, my new favorite thing to get waxed is my nose.”  Huh?  Then, Amy, the waxer extraordinaire, came over and said, “Oh yeah!  I stuck a stick up my sister’s nose before she knew what I was doing and made her do it!”  

At that point, about 10 of us were beyond intrigued.  I mean, I know how painful waxing can be, and I certainly know how painful it is to pull out a stray nose hair (we’ve all done it!).  So why, in your right mind, would you ever wax the inside of your nose.  Amy explained that it feels like a “non-painful punch in the face.”  

First, I couldn’t imagine any punch in the face not being painful.  Unless of course you had first received a crazy dose of Novocain.  Second, a bunch of decided that we needed to experience a non-painful punch in the face, because why not after a few free drinks, right?    And third, $5 (after the 50% discount) was a bargain for a non-painful punch in the face!

So, let the punching begin…

Great hair, right?!

So I let the wax dry for a few minutes until, at last, the time finally came!  I’ll try to upload the video soon, but it truly was a non-painful punch in the face!  I highly suggest getting your nose waxed!

And since I warned you, and because I couldn’t give you, my 3 readers, the full non-painful punch in the face experience without showing you the end result, here you go…

You want to, but you can’t look away! Awesome, right?! :)

Hubs was a little shocked that I sent him the picture.  But I think only because that’s one of those beauty secrets that he would rather not know about.  I’m sure he’ll end up doing it though!

On a side note, after we left Fab, we hit Detour in Carmel and The Why Store was playing!  Just like old times at Purdue in the basement of Phi Delta Theta!

So, go get your non-painful punch in the face from Amy at Fab!  Or get her to wax whatever bits you’d like!  (And although this is not a sponsored post, Fab gives free services for referrals, so tell them I referred you!)

  • 1st May
    2012
  • 01

5 things (5/1/12)…

Time for another one!  I need a pick me up!

1)  I went to a salon party last Friday with a bunch of friends and had a much needed break from reality!  Free hair do’s and 50% off all waxing!  (More on the waxing in a separate post later :) )

2)  Last Wednesday I helped a friend out and volunteered for a wine event.  I took home a case of barely sampled, really good wines!  

3)  After a pretty rough day the other day, my first baby comforted me in a way that only she can.  As hard as I have been on myself lately, I somehow managed to raise a girl that can be incredibly mature at some really difficult times and I couldn’t be more proud of her!

4)  I’m beginning to feel more at peace with my decision to make a massive career change.  Now I just need to figure out what I want to do.  Suggestions are welcome!

5)  I’ve finished books I and II of Fifty Shades of Grey.  Can’t wait to get my hands on the third!  

BONUS 6)  I’ve realized recently that I have a few really incredible friends that will help me through anything.  My sump quit working the other day and my good friend Jamie spent the entire day helping me clean it out while my other good friend Coral watched Miss Lulu so that I could get it done.  Coral then offered up her hot tub and wine so that we could relax after a day of work!  Love you girls!

  • 13th April
    2012
  • 13

Hubs…

Sometimes I forget just how amazing Hubs is.   

An author writing a book about why innovation is failing in the United States contacted Hubs about this crazy business we have created.  Below is the e-mail he sent to her.  He’s entertaining but poignant.  After the last few weeks, I needed this as a reminder of what we are doing and why we took such a big risk 6 years ago.  


[Author],

 It is great to e-meet you as well.  I did a little background research on you so I have a better idea who I am addressing.  I hope you do not mind. 

 I have attached a very brief description of our companies for your review.  It does not do justice to the organization we have built and will continue to build, but it is a starting point so you can better determine whether or not talking to us is worth your time.  I will be more than happy to provide you with more information after we execute a mutual NCNDA.  I prefer mutual versions so we can both speak openly about whatever topic we choose.  You will find our group to be very open about our ideas, but cautious in our approach to execution.   Feel free to check out our websites at ….

 With that, let me do my best to make a good first impression and give you my opinion of why innovation in failing in this country. 

 I am a closeted writer, unlike my new friend Stephen who has never even seen the inside of a closet except to retrieve items from his fabulous wardrobe and jewelry collection.  I write for my own amusement mostly.  I too am currently working on a book or something that may eventually closely resemble a book.  Mine will be an irreverent look at the corporate world, leaning heavily toward my international travels, trials and tribulations.   My intent is to teach people not to take themselves too seriously, and that self-deprecating humor in lieu of self-piousness is much more appreciated by the masses.  The working title is “Get Rich Or Die Laughing!”  I have no idea if I will ever complete it, but it is wonderful therapy. 

 I am a firm believer in disruptive innovation.  The world needs shaken up every once in a while.  That’s why God and the Big Oil driven fracking industry make earthquakes – to keep us all on our toes.  I have been a part of several projects that introduced disruptive concepts to the Ivory Towers of our esteemed educational institutions in this country.  They were not well received, but they have been successful despite many political and bureaucratic efforts to stop them before they could even get started. 

 I will not take the road well-traveled at any point in my life.  Therefore, I will not blame the lack of innovation in the USA on lobbyists or politicians.   I have used lobbyists and politicians to help me get my education initiatives up and running, and I plan to use them again to ensure success in our renewable energy and disruptive innovation pursuits.   I suppose that makes me part of the problem.  There is no point blaming politicians either.  They are mostly stupid and lazy, even the smart and energetic ones.  They let their collective sense of urgency get in the way of what is important because their constituency consists of a bunch of knee-jerk reactionaries that demand they waste time on things that should never be the topic of a political discussion.  As for the general stance the policy and decision makers have on renewable energy, I can sum it up in two sentences.  The sun rises daily so solar power is good.  The wind blows most of the time so wind power is good.   Never mind that any investor in their right mind would never put a dime into any other type of business that has an ROI of 20 to 30 years, and yet wind and solar get all the big play.  So, I am not going to harp on lobbyists or politicians because it has all been said before, and by people much more learned and intelligent than I will ever be.  I will also not blame Big Oil, government subsidized businesses, corporate giants, greedy venture capitalists, banks, investment firms, Wall Street or any other real or imaginary institution to include those entities that most conspiracy theorists blame for our collective woes.

 Nearly every system we have in this country is broken.  We are a nation of beef eaters and yet we have a problem slaughtering sacred cows no matter how tough the meat is to chew, swallow or digest.  We are UGLY AMERICANS to most of the world, and they are laughing at us.   Ask a sample group of Americans and I bet a majority will still tell you that we live in the greatest country on Earth.   Yet almost 65% of Americans do not have a passport (http://www.theexpeditioner.com/2010/02/17/how-many-americans-have-a-passport-2/).   How can they possibly know how the USA stacks up to the rest of the world?  Wikipedia?  In 2010 and 2011 I traveled almost 750,000 miles, spent time on 5 continents and visited I don’t remember how many countries.  I met and took time to speak with a variety of people from servants to presidents.  What I learned was that while I was being treated well at least superficially because of my status as an American citizen, people did not trust me, believe me, or truly want to do business with me because of my status as an American citizen.  We are no longer respected as a nation and we are becoming the punch line of many jokes, especially in business.  We should be furious and we should be doing something to regain our place at the top of the food chain.  How can we do that when most people in this country have no clue what is going on outside of their myopic viewfinder. 

 Let me give you an example.  In 2002, terrorism was such a buzzword that every American finally understood the definition.  In 1987, I was attacked by three terrorists while I was abroad.   Most of the people (Americans) that I told about that experience over the years preceding 9/11 looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.   Fast forward to the Twin Towers falling and Jack Bauer showing up on Fox in the very, very realistic “24” and suddenly everyone understood terrorists, terrorism, and counter-terrorism.  So back to 2002.  I was invited by [a governor of a certain state] to attend a workshop on early brain development being sponsored by [a certain institute in Seattle].   The reason I was invited was because some of the governor’s people found my ideas on education interesting and they wanted to ask me to sit on the board of advisors  for the [large educational institute].  Actually, they wanted to steal my ideas and use them to develop nursing programs for [Blah Blah] University, but that’s another story.  One of the keynote speakers for the event was the former CA Republican staple, the Honorable [Mr. R or Big Dick as he will be referred to through the comedic portion of this email].   Big Dick was going to speak on terrorism at lunch.  What the hell terrorism has to do with early brain development is still a mystery to me.  Maybe the Republicans figured out how to brainwash children into avoiding terrorism as a lifestyle choice. 

 Anyway, I think there was about 250 people at the lunch.  Accomplished people.  Important type people, self and otherwise.   Because I am also important and well-known throughout the land, they sat me near the back of the room.  Probably so I could dash out and save Gotham in case my Batphone rang.  Or maybe it was in case I came to my senses and wanted to leave during the main course before the keynote address began – I think it was chicken – all white meat as I recall.  So Big Dick is regurgitating some nonsensical, obviously rehearsed and rehashed rhetoric on terrorism and how he saved LA and maybe even CA from ever being attacked by terrorists, even before 9/11, because he was, like a Boy Scout, always prepared.  The warmth and knowing of an atheist’s epiphany washed over me and I realized why I had been seated in the back.  It was so everyone in the room could hear me if I had something to say.  Well, remember the theme of my book is irreverence which is coincidently also the theme of my life.   I decided that because I had actual experience with terrorists and terrorism (there is more to that story too) that maybe it was my social responsibility to stand up and say my piece.  I had forced one of my colleagues to come with me to the conference.  I looked at him and said quietly, “We are going to own this room and these people two minutes from now.” 

 I stood up at the end of the Q&A, introduced myself, and said, “…… “   What I said isn’t really important.   The reaction I received from the group is the important part.  This room full of highly educated, highly successful, highly influential people were completely speechless.   I had made a simple statement and ended it with the question, “So how do you educate the masses and enable them to truly understand the world we live in and the problems we face?”  Mr. [R] was literally standing there with his mouth open.  I actually looked at my colleague and chuckled.   There was about 15 full seconds of very uncomfortable silence and then some high end real estate developer piped in with, “Remind me not to get in the elevator with that guy.”   Then laughter.  Then I sat down.  No answer to my question from the Mayor.  I thought he might have a stroke.  I almost felt guilty for body slamming him.  Almost.  Governor stood up and said, “[Hubs], I believe that your question gives us all much to ponder and talk about this evening during dinner.”  In other words, “Sit down and shut up, idiot!”

 The rest of the day was really uncomfortable.  There were stares and whispers.  I was so ostracized from the group during the afternoon session that I swear Rosa Parks was seated 3 rows ahead of me.  I had made them think and they hated it.  I almost didn’t go to dinner, but I forced myself to do it.  Plus, [DN], founder of [a certain airline] was speaking at dinner and I had a few things to talk to him about regarding a bad seat and stale peanuts on a NY to Miami flight.  So I went to dinner and you know what happened?  Everyone fell all over themselves to talk to me.  They all wanted a piece of my kind of action.  I was the life of the party and I was well trained to never be the life of the party.  I was seated at the governor’s table, and people wanted to hear what I had to say.  They hung on every word I had to say as if my opinion mattered.   I had altered the entire agenda.  I had power over the powerful and I wanted more of it.  I spent the remaining two days of the workshop manipulating every meeting and conversation in the direction of what was most important to me.  They even dropped one of the lectures and asked me to give a 30 minute presentation on competency measured education.  I did own those people.  It took longer than two minutes, but mission accomplished!  They loved me and they invited me into their circle, not the inner one, but like the middle circle. 

 And how effin’ pathetic is all of that?  How did one simple minded idiot change the course of a meeting and weasel his way to the head of the class?  Simply.  I created a sense of urgency that made them all forget what was important.   I used smoke and mirrors, sleight of hand, and good old fashioned pizazz!   I created the media, the spin, the breaking news stories and they all bought it.   Even this group of cultured, worldly Americans who mostly all had a passport were still caught up in the hype. 

 And that, in my humble opinion, is why innovation is stifled in the USA.  People are caught up in a sense of urgency that is provoked by hype, sustained by media of all types, and quickly forgotten when the next shiny object flies by.   We need to grow up, take a good look around and actually work on developing sustainable solutions to our problems.  The sun comes up every day and the wind blows almost every day.  We demand our government subsidize frivolous pursuits while good ideas find no purchase.   We produce ridiculous amounts of waste, contaminate our water supply, inject our foods with poison, and burn up our natural resources because we still have a few.   We need to grow up and truly see the world around us because it is passing us by.  We are no longer the greatest nation on Earth.  We’re ugly Americans and we need a facelift – but not really because vanity is part of the problem.  I’m still working on that analogy. 

 [Author], we have some really exciting things happening in technology.  In the past year I have seen:

·         A lubricant additive that will increase mileage, horsepower and torque in any engine while it reduces emission by as much as 92%. 

·         Substantial amounts of water made totally from the air we breathe.   

·         A truck run on tap water and that same water-based system used to generate more power than it consumes. 

·         An all-natural product that, at a 1:250,000 ratio in water, will completely dissolve mosquito larvae while it also balances the pH and purifies the water. 

·         An all-natural product that will preserve meats and vegetables, extending shelf life by days or weeks. 

·         An all-natural cure (yes, I said CURE although it cannot be advertised as such) for most cancers, HIV, herpes, and virtually every bad bacteria and virus known to and feared by man.   

 Here is the best part.  I haven’t just seen these things.  Our companies have all of these things in our arsenal.   I have found when you open yourself up as a conduit for new ideas and technology, then those new ideas and technology will naturally gravitate in your direction.  The problem is that several of these things are world changing.   World changing products come with the duty to responsibly introduce the products, create a little disruption to change the current paradigm and thinking, while not totally upsetting the entire economy that the particular product impacts.   That is a delicate balance.  This is where the crazy mad scientists have failed in the past.  They made outrageous claims, threatened the establishment, and were promptly debunked, discredited, dismissed or made to be deceased.   When talking about these products, I have coined the phrase “socially responsible assimilation.”   That means that we will partner these technologies with existing technologies and not as stand-alone products – the black box if you will.   For the bioscience products, we will apply them to applications that benefit all and do not harm or threaten traditional medicine.   The [blah blah] asset acquisition is just another piece of a very large puzzle.  Forgive me as I’m getting a little tired and the words have kind of just stopped.  This gets a little complex, but I will be happy to talk about it at another time.

 In the end, I’m just one guy.  If I have seen these things then others have seen even more.  The technology to change the world exists today, but no single technology can do it alone.  It takes a truly blended approach to create a complete solution.  That is what we are trying to accomplish.  We are not asking for government subsidies or handouts.   We have a more novel approach.  We actually have business plans that make money while we continue to research, develop and improve the technologies that will change the world in a socially responsible manner. 

 Let me know if you would still like to work with us.  Feel free to call me or I’m on Skype most days.  I promise you working with us will not be dull or boring, and will most likely be profitable to all parties. 

 Regards,

[Hubs]

[Names and identifying info have been changed or deleted so as not to connect them with me and my crazy rants when someone does a Google search.]

 And BTW, he got the job done.  NCNDAs are being executed and Author is sending other interested parties his way!

  • 12th April
    2012
  • 12

Jenny…

I love her.  She’s hysterical, she’s a hot mess, but most of all, she’s inspiring!  

I wrote my super secret blog post today.  Not sure if I will ever post it, but I did send all 4 pages of it to my BFF, who quickly responded with exactly what I needed to hear (and then photo bombed me with a pic that always makes me giggle and gag simultaneously).  Then, I finally got around to reading Jenny’s latest post, and was shocked by how perfect the timing was.  

Time to fix myself!

  • 11th April
    2012
  • 11

5 Things (4/11/12)…

1)  I’m getting ready to write a very real post about how I’ve been feeling lately.  So real that I’m not sure I will post it right away.  But even the thought of writing it is making me feel better.

2)  I just got back from North Carolina with the kids for Spring Break.  On the trip down, Lily, Stori and I had a pretty enjoyable 2.5 hour stop in traffic on I-75 just north of Knoxville.  And there is not even 1 bit of sarcasm in that statement!  We met people on the road and had fun the whole time!

  

3)  Despite the fact that there were 11 of us in a 1500 sq. foot house, I enjoyed North Carolina, and I could definitely see myself living there!  20 minutes from the mountains, and 4 hours from the beach!

4)  I’m going to Chicago this weekend for Lily’s last cheer competition of the year.  I’m excited to spend the weekend with my dad and the girls…especially because my dad wants to take Lulu to the American Girl Doll Store!  I’m not sure whose reaction I’m more excited to see…Lulu’s when she walks in, or my dad’s in the middle of it when he decides that we are headed to somewhere with a bar as soon as we leave the store!

5)  Finally, I am super excited about an opportunity that a dear friend of mine has in front of him!  Once I’m allowed to share, I will do everything I can to spread the news!

  • 21st March
    2012
  • 21

Last day of 4…

I had fully intended to upload my view of the back end of my 4 year old during our bike ride today, but I’m still having technical difficulties.  This was my view during our bike ride on the last day of my baby’s 4th year.  I watched Lulu with her side ponytail and her Barbie helmet, wobbling on her training wheels and her bright pink curly handle bar streamers bouncing as we rode the long way around our neighborhood.  At one point, she yelled back to me, “Mommy, I’m faster than a butterfly!” Fortunately I had my sunglasses on because my eyes got wet. 

Lulu is furiously excited about turning 5 tomorrow.  We’ve had to have many conversations about the fact that she does not get to start Kindergarten tomorrow. I’ve hopelessly prepared her for the long wait until school starts in the fall.  None of that matters…she wants to go tomorrow. 

Almost daily, for the past few weeks, Lulu has said to me, “Mommy you don’t want me to grow up and get big.  You just want me to learn.”  True statement.  I don’t want my baby to get any bigger.  I don’t want her to grow up.  But I do want to watch her grow into the super smart little person she is becoming.  Just in this little 4 year old body. 

When Lily turned 5 I had the same problem.  I had stored that memory in the back of my mind until today.  I had to go to Lily’s very first parent-teacher conference for preschool on her 5th birthday.  I cried in the middle of it in front of her teacher.  “I’m sorry, my baby is 5 today and I’m at a parent-teacher conference.  I’m having a hard time with this.” 

5 is the year you hand your baby off to the school system.  I’m not ready.  Not even a little bit.

I’m going to spend the rest of the night taking in every 4 year old kiss that I can, because they are the last 4 year old kisses that I will get from my baby.  Tomorrow, my baby becomes a big girl.

  • 12th February
    2012
  • 12

Dinner conversation…

Today, I forced my kids to watch Ferris Beuller’s Day Off. I did this because they had no idea why the Matthew Broderick/CRV Super Bowl commercial was funny. I felt good having educated my kids on such an important part of American pop culture.

That good feeling went away a few hours later after the following conversation:

Lily: who died?
Me: Whitney Houston.
Lily: who’s Whitney Houston?
Me: are you kidding me?
Lily: Seriously, who’s Whitney Houston?
Me: it’s like the day Michael Jackson died. Except she’s a female singer.
Lily: well, Michael Jackson was kind of like a female singer.

Tomorrow, it’s Whitney day!

  • 9th February
    2012
  • 09

Thoughts…

I’ve got a boatload of stuff on my mind and it’s making my brain hurt.  So I figure that it’s best that I unload my brain on my blog.  Here goes…

1.  Why are kids so damn frustrating?  I’m talking about the tweens (okay, maybe just one tween who is technically an actual teen). 

2.  I am not really that hard to please.  Do the very few things I ask of you.  Do not lie to me…especially when you are not a good liar.  Do not lead me to believe things that are not even a little bit true just to cover your own booty.  And don’t shift the blame on me when I did nothing to cause the problem.  If I did, in fact, do something that you have a problem with, talk to me about it.  But talk to me about it when its relevant, not months later.  Doing the aforementioned will cause me to become a very bitchy woman.  Treating me with just a little bit of respect and dignity will allow me to treat you the same way.  This is not difficult.

3.  I really don’t like being a bitch.  It’s not fun for me.  It makes me feel bad.  And it makes me feel worse when I apologize for being a bitch (as a reaction to all of the stuff in #2) and you act like you deserve the apology because you did nothing wrong.

4.  I don’t want to be a lawyer anymore.  I don’t particularly like lawyers.  Although I was really talking about kids before, 97% of lawyers do the things in #2 that piss me off.  The profession is making me a bitchy woman and it’s exhausting.

5.  What can I do with my life that will make me feel like I didn’t waste my education (and my money)?  Guessing I would not care about the answer to this question if I could just win Saturday’s Powerball!

6.  I had a really bad blood sugar day a few days ago thanks to a kinked cannula when I changed my pump.  That threw me for a 24 hour loop.  Most of that time I was too high to even feel comfortable eating anything even though I was starving because I hadn’t eaten anything all day.  So to get my mind off of it torture myself, I got on Pinterest. 

7.  Because I tortured myself on Pinterest that night, I owed it to myself to actually make some of the yumminess I found that night.  Dorito Chicken will be made again with a few adjustments, as will the Baked Egg Avocados.  The Skinny Beer-ritas have been made all week long, and there is one sitting next to me right now!

8.  I think I need a trip to Findlay. 

9.  Lulu asked me yesterday why they call it Kindergarten when they don’t even grow anything there.  I keep going back to that because it made me laugh.

10.  Other things that made me laugh…my BFF called her BF’s ex-wife a donkey bitch (justifiably so!).  I actually just laughed typing donkey bitch.  She also told me I need to watch Workaholics because it’s just like the office only way more immature.  Instead of saying “awesome,” they say “tight butthole.”  Tight butthole!  She knows exactly what to say to pull me out of a funk.

Okay, the load has been lightened for the time being.  Off to finish my Skinny Beer-rita and search Pinterest for tomorrow night’s dinner!  (Pinterest…tight butthole!)

  • 9th February
    2012
  • 09

Technical difficulties…

Yes, I’ve been using my camera.  In fact, I have lots of lovely pics to share, but my computer has not been cooperating.  At all.  I can’t upload anything.  But I’ll keep trying. 

I’ll get back to blogging.  Without pics.  Sorry if it’s super boring.

  • 20th January
    2012
  • 20

Pajama day!

I had to go into the office all week.  Crazy change of pace.  But I knew pretty early this week that I was definitely going to be home today.  So last night I told Lulu that she was not going to have to get out of her footie pajamas at all today!  I don’t think the kid was happier on Christmas morning, and Santa brought her the Barbie Dream Townhouse.

She’s also beyond excited to go hit the slope in our backyard.  Yes, footie pajamas will be worn under the snow suit. 

A day like this is a dream of sorts formeher, so I’m hoping to get a pic at some point for this week’s P52 challenge.  The theme is “I dreamed a dream.”  I’m lacking in creative brain power this week, so I’m hoping this interpretation of the theme provides me with a decent photo.

I have more unrelated stuff to post, but I have not yet properly caffeinated myself today.  So you three will just have to wait! :)  Also, stay tuned for my P52 pic of the week!

UPDATE (finally!):  I dreamed a dream!

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